4 words: hood of his car
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
