Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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