ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
