oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
