420 ftw
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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