We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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