well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
