I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
