I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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