did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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