dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
