It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
