I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
