His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
