Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
