4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
