I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
