does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
