he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
