do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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