I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
