A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
