the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
