He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
