Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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