The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
