honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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