i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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