Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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