my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
