something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
