and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
