I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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