I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
