She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
