Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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