I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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