the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
