there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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