I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
