Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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