can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
