I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
