Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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