so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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