haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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