If that was your dad, he is hot
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sex in a hospital.. check
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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