I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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