Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
