Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
