Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
