I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
