Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
